At Foxstones we are huge fans of empathy researcher Brene Brown, some of you may have heard of her, seen her TED talks, read her books. Brene talks with humour and wisdom about the really crucial aspects of life, love and leadership – connection with others, emotional courage, shame and leaning in to fear and vulnerability. Her work isn’t rooted in one particular field, it applies to all contexts – home life, hobbies, addiction, relationships, work-place dynamics etc. We feel it has a very strong fit too with the context of “people services” – children and families social care and support, adult services, mental health services etc.
In our organisation we recognise that practitioners in those fields require so much courage and are exposed to a lot of vulnerability- their own and that of the service users or families they support. The requirement to have very difficult and sometimes scary conversations on a daily basis, to talk to people about topics that can be seen as private, sensitive or even taboo – mental health, relationship breakdown, child abuse.
What we’ve learned is that a lot of practitioners feel they are alone in finding those conversations overwhelming. We have had delegates on our training talking honestly and bravely about loss of sleep as they lie awake dreading a conversation they know they need to have, feeling their stomach churning as they stand on the doorstep waiting to be let in, knowing that discomfort will follow. Of taking that discomfort home with them at the end of the day as their mind races with what they could have done differently.
So much of this comes from not wanting to make the other person feel sad/bad/ashamed/judged but knowing that conversation has to happen. About fear of not being liked (a normal human reaction) and of complaints or criticism that may ensue.
In response to this we run training workshops which allow for acknowledgement and exploration of these issues. Our “Having Courageous Conversation” sessions provide opportunities for affirmation, reflection and crucially practical tips to help overcome these challenges.
We ran such a session for Children’s Services colleagues just this week and were humbled by the impact it had with one delegate saying she’d “never expected a training session to be so powerful”.
Knowing that we can help the workforce feel acknowledged and supported is at the heart of our values and empathy is at the heart of those difficult conversations.
“We are not alone in our thoughts about these difficult conversations. Silence is okay and also taking time out to defuse a situation is also okay”
“We have to acknowledge our own feelings, but not let them get in the way. We have to remain calm, not get annoyed and defensive ourselves, as we may certainly receive this behaviour during the difficult conversation. Follow up if possible to see if the person/persons on the receiving end of the difficult conversation is ok. Most importantly have a debrief, talk with a line manager or colleague about how you felt it went and any other concerns that come to mind”
“The trainer made everyone feel that what they said had equal importance, especially when individuals were reflecting on how they felt themselves when having to have a difficult conversation”
Caroline Porter. October 2022
